Underwater I Wrote Drowning
by LuKEN
Summary: Sequel to Deep As The Sea Goes, AU episode set in s3. Last update posted but fear not, next episode coming soon.
1. Intro

Title: Underwater I Wrote Drowning

Summary: Sequel to _Deep As The Sea Goes_. AU episode set in s3, spoilers up to 3x07.

Category: General

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters, this is a work of fan fiction, sadly, sadly, I still don't get any money out of this.

Music: Tegan and Sara - Underwater

* * *

_Previously on Grey's Anatomy:_

_"Get out of my car, Mark, I mean it!" "Why would you be pining over someone who left you standing out in the rain, then walked out on you, had a relationship with a gorgeous young intern, forced you to give up your practice, your friends, your life and move into a trailer only to cheat on you again." "I'm not pining for Derek. I'm ready to move on." "Is that why you're still wearing your wedding bands?" he inquired with a pointed look to her hand on the steering wheel. "We were married for eleven years and in love for…well, at least as long!" she exclaimed. "Obviously I'm having a hard time letting go of that, hence the moving and the trailer and the self-humiliation. But I will, okay? I will!" "Addison, watch out!" Mark yelled, and jerking her head around she was just in time to see the SUV in front of her crashing into a truck._

_"Addison," she tried again, "Addison, it's Miranda. You have serious internal injuries but we're taking good care of you, okay?" "Derek," Addison breathed more than spoke, clearly fighting to stay conscious. "He's on his way," Miranda lied, recognizing the intonation. She had been there once herself and – oh, the irony - Addison had been there with her, telling her the exact same thing she was about to tell her now. "He'll be there," she said soothingly, "don't worry. He'll be there."_

_"He didn't even want to know how she's doing," Meredith blurted out while sitting up and turning closer towards Cristina. "One second he was in complete shock and rushing to her side and the next he couldn't care less and just walked away. He said that he loves me. He said that he wants to be with me. He should care enough about her right now to be worried or even afraid, but he shouldn't care so much as to blindly hate her just because she's sleeping with Mark again."_

_"Either nobody knows anything or they all just refuse to tell me. So I thought who better to ask but Derek. Her husband of eleven years. Her best friend. Her one true love," Mark overemphasized the last one. "He would know. Because he would care no matter what and not hide out in some basement pretending not to. Just because his sad little ego couldn't get over the fact that she had been on her way home with somebody else while he was in the hospital, blissfully unaware and burying himself in work. Just like so many times before." He had thought he was prepared but when Derek jumped to his feet and came flying at him, Mark had barely enough time to hold his breath before Derek sent them both crashing to the floor. "The way I see it you got two options," Mark explained, rubbing his knuckles. "Either you beat the crap out of me or I beat the crap out of you. Either way you can vent some of that anger and stop being an ass pretending not to care."_

_"It's good he's there for her," Meredith declared, nodding as if to emphasize her words or maybe to convince herself she really meant them. "He always will be," Mark said and turned back to the window pane once more. "He just didn't know it for a while." He didn't have to look at Meredith to sense her tensing up while she processed his words and so they just stood and stared, watching Derek sitting at Addison's bedside, his back towards them, resting in a chair, protectively watching over his wife's sleep._


	2. Scene 1

_Underwater I wrote drowning _

_I use to be such a good good swimmer_

_But for now my head is in the clouds_

_I'm a silly love song, a twisted elbow crush song_

If there is one thing in life we can be sure of it's that everything changes eventually - whether we want it to or not. Some changes we like, and we welcome them like good old friends, while others, we distaste and either fight them as good and as long as we can or surrender to them in silent despair. Of course, there's always a third way of dealing with changes: we ignore them.

_The forecast is grey but we're staying inside_

_You must live close I've seen you drive by_

_I left signs on the lawn, where have they gone?_

_Did you take them to tease me, to follow or lead me? _

-

Seattle

**Meredith Grey's House,**

**Early Morning Hours**

-

Meredith was staring up at the ceiling. Lying in her bed, painfully awake and listening to the quiet of the house, she was staring up at the ceiling. Derek had come home a while ago but hadn't showed, so, here she was, debating with herself the pros and cons of getting up and looking for him or staying right where she was.

He obviously wanted to be alone for a little bit or else he would have come upstairs already. So, she would give him space. Again. After all, last time it had worked out fine, compared to the time she had tried to push him. No, she would give him space and time and not become an overprotective, breathing-down-your-neck, can't-let-you-be, hassling-you-until-you're-running-scared wife. She was the girlfriend. A good girlfriend. And as such she was going to give him all the space and time he needed.

On the other hand, he had come home to her house. He hadn't stayed at the hospital, he had not gone back to the trailer. He had come to her. That had to mean something, right? It should mean that he wanted to be with her. Talk to her. Be comforted by her. Maybe he wanted her to come down and look for him. Maybe he wanted her to make him a sandwich or ask how he was doing. Maybe it was the wife he needed right now rather than the girlfriend.

She sighed. How was she supposed to know? Surely Addison knew what he would want right now. Then again, they were divorced, so, clearly, Addison hadn't always known the right thing to do either. _So, what would the Anti-Addison do in a situation like this?_

She frowned at herself and was just about to remind herself why thoughts like these weren't appropriate right now when the unmistakable sound of footsteps snapped her out of her inner ramblings. She counted. Up the stairs and from the top through the hallway, past George's room, past the bathroom, right to her door. When the handle turned and the hinges jarred just a little bit, her eyes closed shut as if on their own account.

She had no idea why. _What am I doing?_ She hadn't planned to pretend to be asleep. She hadn't planned anything._ Then why? _But she could already feel Derek's presence in the room, already hear the door being closed again behind him. Simply opening her eyes now would be admitting she had been awake all along. And what could she say when she didn't have an explanation herself?

_This is ridiculous_, her mind was screaming at her, only her eyes still didn't open.

She felt the mattress shift underneath her when he sank down on his side of the bed, and she wondered why it didn't fill her with the warm feeling she usually got every time he climbed into bed to join her. _I could always pretend to just be waking up._

"Addison needs another surgery."

All previous thoughts forgotten she propped herself up, staring at the silhouette of his back in the semi-dark of the early morning hours.

"Nothing serious, she just needs a titanium plate they had to special order," he elaborated, sounding tired and…something else she couldn't put her finger on. She sat up.

"Why does she need a titanium plate?" she asked, her concern genuine. Bailey hadn't mentioned another surgery, neither any procedures or delays. Then again she had hardly given any details.

"She dislocated her shoulder and broke her collarbone," Derek sighed, pulling his shoes off one by one. "Smashed it rather," he added as if on second though, "apparently it's so fractured the standard plates wouldn't do it."

Meredith shivered and moved closer to Derek, wrapping her arms around him and nestling her face against his neck. "Must have been one hell of an impact."

"Yeah," he agreed wearily, covering her hands with his own and squeezing lightly. She hugged him tighter in response.

"But she's okay otherwise, right?"

"Yeah. She's going to be fine."

"Good," she said and then fell silent for a while, debating with herself whether she should let sleeping dogs lie or not. She had no problems with sleeping dogs in general, but in this case, she really needed to know.

"Derek," she whispered when she had finally battled her way to a decision, but he suddenly pulled away, getting to his feet again to undress.

"I got a surgery scheduled in a few hours so I better try to catch some sleep."

For a moment she kept staring at his back but then it hit her that this was not about her. It was about him and what he needed. And if all he needed was sleep right now, then she wouldn't be the one to deny it to him.

"Yeah, okay." She settled back on her side of the bed, hesitated for a moment, then laid down again. Pulling the blanket up around herself she waited for Derek to lie down as well and when he finally rested beside her watched his back move slightly with every breath he took.


	3. Scene 2

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Postoperative Care Unit,**

**Early Morning**

**-**

The first time Addison had come to – she couldn't really remember anything from that first time. Just a vague feeling that someone had been there, soothing, caring, reassuring.

The second time she could remember. One of the nurses had checked her IV and studied her vitals just as Addison had opened her eyes. It was almost scary how quickly she had understood where she was and how she had ended up there. Her memories of the accident were painfully sharp. She was just fuzzy on everything that had happened after that. She knew she had been conscious after the crash, for a while at least. She remembered the paramedics and the fire fighters, being strapped onto a gurney and heaved into an ambulance. Nothing much after that. The nurse had asked her name and if she knew what day it was. An incredibly stupid question by the way, how was she supposed to know how long she had been under? She took a mental note never to bother one of her patients with it again. Her own questions had remained unanswered and the nurse had soon left to find a doctor, but not having any recollection of talking to one Addison figured she had been asleep again by the time they had returned.

Now that she woke up for the third time, the first thing penetrating the numbness of her sleep was the pain. A general, heavy, hard to locate kind of pain, accompanied, as she realized upon opening her eyes, by an equally general and heavy nausea. She blinked and tried to focus on her breathing – about all she felt able to cope with right now.

"I hope it doesn't hurt as bad as it looks," a familiar voice, deep and gentle, came from the doorway.

Turning her head just enough to steal a peek at her visitor seemed to take all her strength and for a second she thought she was going to throw up.

"Oh, it does," she mumbled when the worst of it had passed, darting Richard a look of openly displayed self-pity. "The service at your hospital sucks. I want more pain meds, I want anti-PONV meds!"

"I'll send someone in," Richard smiled before coming closer and taking on a serious expression. "You had me scared, Addison. You had us all scared."

Looking up to him standing at her bedside she tried to fake a smile. "That was the whole idea," she said against the nausea surging up in her, "to show you how much you can't afford to lose me before I ask for a raise."

She caught the glare he shot her but new it wasn't because of what she had said but because she was joking about this.

"Don't take this lightly," he grumbled, suddenly towering over her again as the father figure he had been to her all through her internship and most of her life after that. "You were lucky," he emphasized with a nod of the head.

She swallowed and lowered her eyes to the sheets covering the rest of her body, guarding it even from her own scrutinizing looks. "How lucky?" she asked, surprised at how weak her voice suddenly sounded.

A heavy silence fell over the room as Richard seemed to hesitate for a moment. But she didn't push him, part of her thankful for the opportunity to prepare herself for what was to come.

"You were brought in with a broken pelvis and broken collarbone. Your left shoulder and left wrist were dislocated, and you had multiple lacerations, contusions and as you might have noticed whiplash and a concussion."

Addison took a deep breath, her nausea forgotten for a moment before it came back with a vengeance and she closed her eyes.

"There was also some internal bleeding."

"Some?" she whispered with her voice failing as it finally hit her how close she had come to –. She closed her eyes and held her breath against the renewed urge to throw up.

"We had to go in for emergency surgery but we got it under control," Richard assured and somewhere in the back of her mind she thought he had probably been the one by her side when she had first come to. The soothing, caring and reassuring.

"Did you…" she wanted to ask but somehow couldn't speak the words, still keeping her eyes shut."No," Richard was quick to relieve her, anticipating correctly what went through her mind. _Did you take anything out? Remove any organs, anything I might still need? _"No, we didn't."

She really wanted to hide the tear that escaped through her tightly shut lids. Not because she was ashamed to cry in front of Richard - he was probably one of the few people she would allow herself to break down in front of. No, but because she felt stupid she was crying at all. After all, she was lucky. Basically fine, except for the pain and the nausea and the things she didn't even want to think about just yet although they already reared their heads in the back of her mind. _What about my shoulder, what about my wrist? What if there are complications? What if I can't operate again? What kind of neonatal surgeon will I be if I can't -. _But then something else came to the fore, letting all those thoughts stop dead in their tracks. _Oh my God! _"Mark." How could she -. "What about Mark?"

"He's alright," Richard stated calmly but with a tinge of... _anger?_ "He was a lot luckier than you."

She breathed in relief, realizing immediately that holding her breath had not been such a good idea anyway.

"A light concussion, lacerations and contusions, a broken leg," Richard continued while she waited for the dizziness to pass. "A few stitches and a cast was all it took."

"Bad weeds grow tall," she mumbled with a weak smile, welcoming the lightheadedness that made everything more bearable.

"The car veered before the collision and your side took the full impact," she heard Richard's strained voice. _I guess that explains why I barely have any feeling on my left side except for that painful throbbing behind my eye_, she thought but refrained from voicing her conclusion when the nausea and the pain started yielding to a tiredness that promised relief. Maybe sleep really was the best medicine.

"You sound like you blame him," she managed to say without slurring her speech too much but lifting her head to look Richard in the eyes was already out of the question.

"I don't," his voice came from further away then before. "But I'd rather have him lying here than you."

She wanted to say something, object, protest, but a few incomprehensible sounds was all she mustered.

"I'd rather have anyone lying here than you," Richard clarified as her lids refused to open up again and the last thing she noticed before drifting off to sleep was Richard's hand covering her own and the calming tone and rhythm of his voice. "Get some rest now. I'll check in on you again later."


	4. Scene 3

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Surgical Floor,**

**Late Morning**

**- **

"Since Drs. Montgomery and Sloan are on medical leave, surgery's officially short-staffed for the time being," Bailey stated with her usual charm as she was rushing down the hallway towards the nurse's station, fully aware of her interns doing their best to try and keep up with her. "O'Malley, Karev, Stevens, you're covering the pit and I expect you to pitch in wherever you're needed regardless of whether you think a case is interesting or not, am I making myself clear?"

"Totally."

"Absolutely."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Grey, you're with Dr. Torres," Miranda continued and Meredith did her best not to groan at her assignment. Despite the peaceful timeout last night in the conference room, she really wasn't keen on working with Callie after everything that had happened, but Bailey was on the warpath right now and rubbing her the wrong way was certainly not advisable.

"Yang," Bailey barked over her shoulder as if to confirm her thoughts, "you're with me."

"Great," Cristina cursed under her breath and Meredith gave her a sympathetic look. Ever since Bailey had found out about the intern wiping her name off the board Cristina was so far away from Miranda's good side she couldn't even see it from afar.

"I'm sure she saved the best for last," Alex whispered from behind her before he made a turn to head for the elevators, leaving Cristina without a chance to retort.

"Don't look at me," Meredith shrugged when Cristina turned to glare at her instead. "I got Torres."

"Yang," Bailey yelled, already disappearing around a corner and Cristina abstained from whatever comment she had been ready to make in order to catch up with their resident.

Looking past her Meredith caught sight of a lonely figure standing at the nurse's station, busy filling out some forms. Walking up to him Meredith couldn't help but think that even with the cast around his leg and the dressing covering his head wound, Mark Sloan still looked hot. In fact, it only seemed to make him more attractive. Venturesome and bold with that touch of bad boy. The way he was resting his knee on the handle of one of his crutches, letting the cast dangle in the air - he just seemed to have such ease and certainty about his entire appearance, it seemed like nothing could really shake or break him.

"Nice bruise you got there," she commented as she came to stand next to him, motioning towards the left side of his face.

"Yeah. I hear the color makes me look even more audacious," he replied in his usual playful manner and she couldn't but return his smile. For some reason she had always found herself incapable of not flirting with him just a little bit. Not that she was really interested but there was something about him that made it so easy to be with him. And easy was just the thing she could really use. She had never had trouble seeing why Addison had cheated with him of all people.

The thought of Addison made her uncomfortable for a moment and she lowered her gaze for a second or two before looking up to him again.

"So, how are you?"

"Not exactly on top of my game," he smirked, "but you and me could still have a lot of fun. I just need to drop these papers off and I'm free to go. How about you?"

Shaking her head she smiled at him incredulously. "Why is it that you can't talk to me without hitting on me?"

"Why is it that you can't talk to me without avoiding what you really want from me?" he countered, causing her to frown at him and cross her arms.

"And what would that be?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't be able to avoid it any longer, would you?"

"Right." She eyed him with a mixture of confusion and curiosity before deciding to dismiss his remark. He was just trying to mess with her, as usual. Smiling again she motioned over her shoulder. "I gotta go."

"Figures," he remarked with a shrug but didn't attempt to stop her otherwise so she just furrowed a brow at him before turning around and leaving. Surely Torres was already looking for her, looking forward to the opportunity of torturing her.

It was, of course, in the elevator she would run into Derek. A tired, gruff looking Derek, who was still in his street clothes and barely looked at her.

"Hey," he sighed as if the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders again. She flinched at the nagging thought crossing her mind.

"Hey," she replied, trying not to sound too cheery but not too hushed either. He could use a little, well-dosed cheering up. "So you got some sleep?"

"Yeah."

_Yeah. _Of course he had. She knew that. She had slept next to him and he had still been asleep when she had left for work.

"What's that surgery you got?"

"It's been cancelled. Patient's not stable enough."

"Oh." She frowned. "But you still came in?"

"I was awake anyway and at least I get a chance to catch up on some paperwork, check on some patients."

She nodded.

"And look after Addison, of course," he added as if on second thought.

"Of course," she nodded with emphasis, determined not to let this become awkward or weird. "I thought I'd go see her as soon as I can sneak away from Callie for a bit."

"You're with Dr. Torres today?" he asked, showing some interest in her day after all.

"Yes, I am, because my resident, who also goes by the very illustrious nickname 'the Nazi' decided to give her interns the assignments they want least of all and team them up with the people they want to be teamed up with least of all."

"Why would she do that?"

"Again: the illustrious nickname 'the Nazi'."

That actually made him smile a little while he was avoiding her gaze and peeking down at his shoes.

"Come on, say it," she demanded teasingly.

"Say what?" he asked innocently.

"Something about interns and the bottom of the surgical food chain."

His smile widened.

"Really, I can take it," she stated with her head up high although the way his eyes roamed her features and studied her own made her week in the knees.

"Actually I was just going to say good luck."

She pulled a face and he chuckled before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on her lips just as the doors opened to the administrative floor.

"See you for lunch?" he asked with another one of those McDreamy looks she just couldn't…

"Sure," she smiled in return and with one last parting look he left.

Leaning back against the rear wall of the car, Meredith sighed as the elevator started to make its way down again, aware of the silly smile still lingering on her face, just like the taste of his lips still lingering on hers.


	5. Scene 4

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Patient Room Surgical Floor,**

**Late Morning**

**-**

Leaning against the door frame of her room, Mark stood and watched for a while. A nurse was just changing the IV bag while an unconscious Addison, although bruised and battered, lay peacefully in her hospital bed. It was amazing. Despite her condition she looked peaceful and to him as beautiful as ever. He had been a doctor long enough to know that the weak and injured could exude an attraction that was unattainable otherwise and roughly explained by the protective instincts of those attracted, but this wasn't about his need to protect or a vulnerable woman's need to be rescued. This was about Addison. Even now she was taking his breath away. Most of her body wrapped up in clean white sheets as if to cover up how much damage had been done to it, her left arm and shoulder splinted and bandaged, the right forearm exposed for the IV line and the pulse ox. The left side of her neck was covered with a dressing as well and in a sudden flashback he could see the shattered window on the driver's side, the glitter of glass splinters caught in red hair. With her head turned to the side he could only see the right half of her face but he had a pretty good idea what the other side would look like. He'd seen it all. Still, he preferred to stand by the door and give himself another moment before confirming the assumption he could base on years of professional experience as well as his own memories from the crash.

The nurse finally noticed him and he could tell by the way she couldn't look him in the eyes that the rumor mills at Seattle Grace had only briefly come to a halt, if at all. He took her nervous fumbling with Addison's sheet as his cue and walked inside, heading for the chart at the end of the bed.

"She's been awake a few times but never longer than a few minutes," the nurse apparently decided talking to him was the way to go although she still couldn't look at him. Anything she could spill later with her colleagues would probably make her day.

"Who talked to her?" he asked, holding the crutches in place with his elbows while leafing through the chart.

"I did," the nurse replied eagerly but then hesitated before continuing, "But I thought it would be best if she could speak to a doctor so I left and by the time I got back –"

"She was asleep again," he finished for her, nodding as he studied the chart. "Dr. Shepherd been in yet?"

"No, but he was here all night and had barely left when my shift started," the nurse offered and finally looked at him, probing for a reaction. "The poor man had to get some sleep before going back to work," she added when he remained silent.

He smirked but didn't look up from the chart. He knew the nurses had mostly taken Derek's side in their twisted game of placing blame and judging the three or rather four of them. Ironically enough, he knew from experience, it was always the women other women were placing blame on in these situations. Seattle Grace was no exception. Meredith was the home-wrecker and Addison the cheating wife while Derek was the poor doctor, torn between obligation and desire, trying to do the right thing. Mark himself was not exactly an angel of innocence in this intimate theater but nevertheless popular with most of the nurses. _McSteamy. _He chuckled to himself. They were curious and annoying and from time to time they felt it necessary to make it clear to him and the rest of the hospital that Derek was still their favorite, but there were no animosities, no evil looks, no complications in the daily work.

"I got it from here," he stated in a neutral but firm tone of voice and a moment later he was alone with Addison. He put the chart back and held on to his crutches again.

Slowly moving to her side his gaze was automatically drawn to her face. It was more or less what he had expected. The good news was that he couldn't see anything that wouldn't heal again. And most likely she wouldn't even need another surgery. He would redo the stitches on her temple at some point, later, when the swelling had gone down and the skin and tissue were ready for his gentle treatment. There would be hardly any traces left once he was done. The bad news was she would be in a lot of pain for a while and family pictures, head shots and passport photos would all have to wait.

He really wanted to reach out and touch her but even when he had cautiously positioned himself on the edge of her bed and freed himself of the increasingly annoying crutches, he hesitated - which had him confused because he wasn't exactly known for his hesitation when it came to touching the women he wanted to touch. Then again, he wasn't known for following them to the other side of the continent either.

He snapped out of it and reached forward, tucking away a strand of hair that had fallen into her face and letting the back of his hand graze her cheek before following another strand that was sprawled on the pillow. It was dry but slightly curled, the way it used to be when she let it air dry. Someone had washed it to get the blood and the splinters out.

His hand had just ended its journey and arrived back in his lap when he noticed the slight movement followed by a groan. Despite the sudden and unexpected urge to act differently, he remained silent and waited until she opened her eyes.

"Hey," she mumbled when her gaze focused on him.

"Hey," he whispered back, knowing she would have one hell of a headache. "The good news is the nurses used the good shampoo on you. Your hair smells like roses."

She gave him a weak smile and he felt a sudden relief at the sight. As if seeing her smile was the confirmation he had been waiting for, the confirmation that she was going to be alright.

"If you make me laugh I will kill you," Addison managed to threaten and he felt a pang of guilt sear through him. Something else he wasn't exactly known for. He hadn't felt that guilty about betraying his best friend and while he had felt a lot of things before, during and after sleeping with Addison, guilt hadn't been one of them. What made things even weirder: he didn't really have anything to feel guilty about, or did he?

"Look," he whispered, not just out of concern for her headache now, "It's not like I caused the damn accident or like I could have done anything about it." He hesitated and she frowned at him, ready to interject until he placed the tips of his fingers on her lips to make sure he'd get to finish this. "But we were in this together. And we both got hurt." He searched her eyes for a sign that she understood. Maybe it was a bit much to ask of her in her current state but this was the only way he could say what he needed to say. "I'm just sorry you have to bear the full brunt while I got off so easily, and if there was a way to take that back –" He paused, still trying to detect a sign of comprehension in Addison's face. "If there was a way I could prevent you from…could prevent us from all of this…" he trailed off when he found what he had been looking for. She understood. And they both knew there was no such way. _I don't love you, Mark_, her words, the memory thereof seemed to hang in the air between them"I know you still don't believe me but I really…" _Oh for crying out loud._ Could he just finish the sentence? "Really tried. And I would have tried again but I get it now." _It's not just me. _She didn't want him to anyway.

"Mark," Addison finally objected, her voice as low as his and he knew exactly what she was going to say. "I'm –"

"Just," he cut her off by placing his fingertips over her mouth again, "say that we're even," he demanded gently. He didn't want this particular conversation to last a second longer than it had to. It seemed to stir up everything he wanted to bury. _I used you. I always just used you when Derek wasn't there._ Everything he'd rather not remember. _Just say we're even._

"Okay," she agreed wearily, maybe just because she was too weak for an argument but he wouldn't push his luck.

"Okay," he sighed with relief, his voice still hushed but no longer a whisper. He smiled at her. "As much as I'd like to hang around just to mess with Derek, I think I should go and let you get some rest."

Sighing as well, Addison returned his smile as best as she could under the circumstances. "Just don't blame me if I get used to all this resting. It's all people keep telling me to do," she mumbled and he chuckled.

"I'll be back later," he promised, placing a kiss on her forehead although he wasn't sure if she wasn't already asleep again. He stayed and watched her for a few more moments before gathering his crutches and making his way towards the elevators.


	6. Scene 5

**_A/N:_ **_A chapter with the other interns again. I know I'm kinda neglecting everybody outside the Meredith-Derek-Addison-Mark cycle carousel but what can I say, I am capable of multitasking but I just don't have the time to juggle with all those story lines right now. Plus I haven't really seen the eps after 3x07 in order not to get distracted from the plot I have in mind, so, I am basically clueless about Christina and Burke, Izzie, George, and so on. Just use your imagination when you're not clear on something. Or ask me, I guess..._

_Anyway, thx to those of you who keep reviewing, it's always nice to get feedback. Constructive criticism is welcome as well btw, I hope that goes without saying. I hope you will like future parts as well and if you don't I hope you'll bear with me anyway for a while. Enjoy!_

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* * *

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**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Cafeteria,**

**Lunch Time**

**-**

"Seriously? I was going to eat that!"

"No, you weren't," Alex shrugged, taking another bite from the leftover sandwich he had retrieved from Izzie's plate.

"I was."

"Seriously? No, you weren't," Cristina cut in, simply to shut them both up. "So, how's Addison?" she turned to Meredith who had just slumped down next to her.

"As good as can be expected," she sighed, knowing they had probably all checked on Addison's status themselves but were waiting for the inside scoop. "Derek says she needs another surgery for her collarbone. Orthopedics has it scheduled for the day after tomorrow."

"Orthopedics," Izzie remarked. "Callie wouldn't happen to -"

"Be the resident on the case?" Meredith finished the question. "She is."

Cristina furrowed a brow. "Did she offer you a way out?"

"No, and she doesn't have to," Meredith stated determinedly. "So I have to be around Addison, big deal."

Izzie, George and Cristina exchanged glances.

"What? I can't be professional about this? Come on, you guys. Besides, there's no reason why this should be awkward any longer."

"Right," Alex smirked which earned him a kick to the shin from Izzie.

"They are divorced," Meredith continued, "He moved on. She moved on."

Again the furrowed brow and the side glance from Cristina. "She did?"

"She was in the car with McSteamy," Izzie interjected, signaling she tended to agree with Meredith here.

"So?" Cristina shrugged unimpressed, "You were in the car with Alex this morning."

"Hey!" Izzie blurted out.

"And you were more than just in a car with McVet and we all know how that went."

"Hey!" Meredith blurted out.

"What?" George asked, just joining them with his food tray. "Did I miss anything?"

"Yang needs to get laid," Alex replied with his trademark smug smile but quickly wiped it off his face when Cristina turned to him next.

"Oh, don't even get me started on you, evil spawn."

Smart enough not to provoke her any further, Alex raised his hands in a defensive gesture but apparently Izzie wasn't ready to back down just like that.

"Why, because he couldn't sleep with me but with Olivia?"

Just taking a bite of Izzie's sandwich Alex started coughing. George glanced at them in confusion.

"At least he didn't fall asleep on me," Izzie added, daring Cristina for a comeback.

"At least my boyfriend is still alive."

The silence was sudden and thick enough to be cut up in pieces, with five pairs of wide eyes staring at each other.

"I…I didn't mean that," Cristina blurted out genuinely rueful but Izzie just glared at her for another moment before getting up and walking away. "I didn't," Cristina repeated, staring at the remaining three of them as if to lend more weight to her words.

"What's wrong with you, Yang?" Alex asked bare of his usual pretense not to care.

"Seriously," Meredith joined in, not concealing her anger either.

"Hey, you wanted to talk," Cristina snapped as she felt herself being backed against the wall.

"What?"

"You wanted to talk. I wanted to have lunch breaks at Really Old Guy's room to have some peace and quiet. You insisted on coming back here so we could talk. So, we talk. This is what happens when I talk."

Meredith and Alex exchanged a glance while Cristina took a long sip from her water bottle. For a while they sat in awkward silence.

"So, how's Derek doing with the whole Addison situation?" George blurted out so they could move on but only caused Cristina to make another snide remark.

"Seriously? You could have picked any subject and that's your first choice?"

"The second, actually," George countered unexpectedly, "The first was to ask how Bailey's doing."

Knowing she had reached and passed the limit of her friends' patience, Cristina declared surrender by turning to Meredith. "So, how is Derek?"

"He's alright," Meredith replied, only briefly confused by the course this entire conversation had taken. "He went to see her in ICU last night and stayed with her until this morning."

"I think I heard him when he got home," George stated while chewing his hot dog.

"He was home for a few hours to get some sleep. They had a surgery scheduled although it was cancelled last minute."

"Oh, THAT surgery," Cristina snorted. "I tried to suck up to Burke to get in on that surgery the entire week only to find out that it's been cancelled last minute."

"Did they say why?" George asked, still chewing on his hot dog.

"The silly doctors are blaming the stupid nurses because the idiot patient ate something before they could take him to pre-op," Cristina spat when her pager went off.

"Seriously, Yang," Alex chuckled, "You need to get laid."

"Seriously, you –" Cristina was about to deliver her comeback but left it unsaid at Meredith and George's warning glares. Instead she checked her pager. "Nazi calls," she muttered and started to get up but hesitated, looking severely uncomfortable. "Is she going to be okay?"

"She is but an apology might help," Meredith advised.

"Great. Because that's something I'm really good at." And without further ado Cristina left to catch up with Bailey.

"So how's Shepherd really doing?" Alex inquired, that smug expression on his face again.

"Tired and worried but I think he's alright."

"What happened to 'he didn't even want to know how she's doing'?" George jumped in.

Meredith shrugged. "He was a bit overwhelmed at first, but I told you, he stayed with her for a few hours, then he came home, and he's probably going to check on her today as well."

"And you're okay with that?" Alex frowned.

"Why wouldn't I be? I want him to care, she was his wife for eleven years." _And the love of his life for God knows how long_, the thought crossed her mind so quick she couldn't stop it. "And we're good." _Except for the fact that he apparently forgot about lunch._ Again she tried to ignore the nagging voice in the back of her mind. _Well, he could be with a patient or buried in paper work. Or he could be with Addison. _"I saw him this morning, in the elevator, and we're good."

"The elevator," George remarked but started to eagerly nod his head at the glare Meredith darted him. "So, you're good," he echoed.

"We're good," she affirmed, ignoring Alex snorting. "I'm good." She was. "I'm being supportive."

"You're being supportive," George echoed again, causing Alex to roll his eyes.

"Yes. He's having a rough time, I'm his girl friend. I need to be supportive. I want to be supportive." She really did.


	7. Scene 6

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Administrative Floor,**

**Lunch Time**

**-**

Pushing open the door to the attending's locker room Derek came to an abrupt halt when he saw Mark, about to throw a sweater into his sports bag but now looking up as well. For a moment they kept staring at each other, Derek taking in the cast and the bruises, Mark noticing the telltale signs that recent events had started taking their toll on his former best friend as well.

Derek was the first to break the silence.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, letting the door fall shut behind him and motioning towards the bruise he knew wasn't from the accident.

"I bet you would be even more sorry if you had one just like it," Mark smirked. "Would have been hard to explain to Meredith."

Derek glared at him for a beat but then realized he knew Mark well enough to know he'd always been like that and that he would probably act the exact same way even if they hadn't stopped being friends. So he just let it go.

"Yeah," he sighed, "That would have been a problem."

Apparently accepting the underlying peace offer Mark continued to stuff some clothes into his bag. "Heard your surgery got cancelled."

"Yeah," Derek nodded, walking over to his own locker and opening it up. He couldn't say he was disappointed though. Today was maybe not the best of days for him to perform a high-risk procedure, and while explaining the how's and why's to the patient's family had been less than pleasant he had preferred it to spending most of this day in the OR.

"Did you go see Addison yet?"

He glanced over his shoulder but Mark wasn't looking at him.

"I'm on my way to see her now," he snapped.

He could have made it sooner but if he was completely honest he had been stalling for a bit, taking the time to speak to some other patients of his and finally make some phone calls he had put off for too long. He'd go now. As ready as he'd ever be…

"Good," Mark nodded, his voice surprisingly free of judgment. "She was awake earlier. A little shaken up but she's holding it together pretty good, considering."

They both stared at their lockers for a moment, inspecting their belongings as if they might have to memorize them at some point.

"It'll be good for her to see you," Mark hurried to wrap his part of the conversation up, slamming his locker shut. Swinging the bag over his shoulder, he reached for his crutches and moved towards the door.

Darting him a side glance, Derek wasn't sure how to react.

"Hey, did you talk to the Chief about your replacement?" he asked just as Mark was reaching for the door.

"Yeah, it's all under control."

"How long do you think until you're back?"

"Well, I can't do surgeries as long as I can't stand on my own feet for a couple of hours." He glared at his crutches. "And as long as I can't do any surgeries…"

Derek nodded and again they both fell silent.

"I'll see you," Mark stated, turning towards the door.

"Yeah," Derek nodded, getting what he had come for from his locker before slamming it shut as well.


	8. Scene 7

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Patient Room Surgical Floor,**

**Lunch Time**

**-**

When she opened her eyes again, Addison couldn't tell whether she had been asleep for three minutes or three hours. But seeing Miranda sitting by her side she didn't deem it important either.

"Dr. Bailey," she mumbled and Miranda looked up from her crossword, furrowing a brow at her.

"Dr. Montgomery," she replied, giving her the look Addison knew she usually reserved for her interns when they had been stupid. "I thought I would have to waste my entire lunch break watching you sleep. And I don't like wasting my lunch break. It makes me edgy."

Addison couldn't help but chuckle and was rewarded instantly when she felt a sharp pain…she didn't even know where exactly. In her head, amongst other body parts.

"Don't…make me laugh," she said through her teeth but Miranda didn't seem impressed.

"Do I look like I'm trying to make you laugh?" she asked in that manner that had earned her the name she now wore as a shield from time to time. "Am I known for trying to make people laugh?"

"I heard the jury's still out on that," Addison countered.

Briefly glancing at her crossword again Miranda finally put down the paper and leaned forward in her chair, a little closer to Addison.

"Does it hurt as much as one would expect?"

"Pretty much," Addison sighed.

"Good," Miranda seemed satisfied. "That'll keep you from doing it again."

Addison frowned at her. "Doing what?"

"Whatever you did that had you ending up in my ER," Miranda barked.

"Your ER?"

"Not the point."

Addison darted her the best glare she could muster and Miranda let her mask drop as much as she could allow herself to.

"So, how are you, really?"

"Well, the nausea is gone and the overwhelming urge to throw up every time I breathe, so, better, I guess." She eyed Miranda skeptically. "Why don't you tell me?"

"Me?" Miranda exclaimed with raised eyebrows. "I didn't get to scrub in on your surgery because the Chief assigned me to baby-sit your boys and make sure they don't end up being patients as well," she put her mask back on, "So excuse me for being out of the loop."

"My boys?" Addison smirked weakly. "What did they do?" Did she even want to know?

"Just being their usual charming selves," Miranda waved the question off. "I thought the Chief talked to you."

Lowering her gaze for a moment, Addison sighed. "He did." Then she glanced up again. "He was very brief." Already knowing what she was going to ask of her, Miranda tilted her head and lifted her chin. "Just hand me my chart and I can take a peek for myself," Addison pleaded.

Miranda hesitated as her protective instincts and her compassion seemed to engage in a struggle but in the end she shook her head, causing Addison to roll her eyes in frustration.

"I'm sure the Chief told you everything you need to know for the moment."

"Miranda –"

"Addison, you're the patient now. Stop thinking like a doctor."

"That's easy for you to say. Remember when you were my patient?"

"How could I forget that?" Miranda muttered sarcastically. "I gave birth. Happiest hours of my life."

They both fell silent at the memory of these dreadful hours when they had both just tried to hang in in some way, afraid and terrified because they didn't know whether either one of their husbands were even still alive.

Regretting she had brought it up, Addison abstained from further comments and maybe that was more effective with Miranda than trying to push her.

"What is it you have to know so badly?" she asked, her voice almost gentle all of a sudden though she certainly tried her best to seem annoyed rather than soft.

Looking at her with a mixture of gratitude and worry, Addison took a deep breath. "Richard said I dislocated my shoulder, fractured my collarbone, fractured my wrist."

"Go on," Miranda remarked skeptically.

"I'm not worried about the first two."

Miranda held her ground as Addison stared at her intensely but than she moved to the end of the bed to get the chart. While she took her time opening it and flipping through the reports and results, Addison kept staring at her, observing in order not to miss any telltale signs or indications what the verdict might be.

Finally Miranda closed the chart and put it back.

"Your wrist is fine," she remarked tersely and it took Addison a few seconds to realize what she was saying.

"Fine?"

"Fine," Miranda repeated. "It was a clean fracture, no ruptured tendons, no damage to the nerves, and so far there's no sign of an infection." And giving her a reassuring look she added, "You'll be fine, Dr. Montgomery," emphasizing the 'doctor'.

For a moment Addison felt relief seeping through her as the words were sinking in. But it wasn't enough to hold on to.

"Okay, but what about the rest, what if –"

"Okay, this has to stop," Miranda cut her off, stepping closer again. "I know you're a doctor, Addison, and you're used to thinking like a doctor. But right now, you're a patient. And patients don't get to ask all these questions. At least they don't get to ask me all these questions." She paused for a beat, and then without a warning sat down on the edge of the bed. "You're a patient now, so stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and start focusing on what went right."

Addison bit her lip. She knew Miranda was right and she knew she should be looking on the bright side. But it was hard to shake the feeling that this wouldn't just stay without consequences. The things in her life always came and went with consequences.


	9. Scene 8

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Surgical Floor,**

**Lunch Time**

**-**

"Derek!"

Hearing his name Derek stopped and turned around. "Meredith."

He waited when she walked up to him and then stood, too far away and yet not far enough.

"Hi," she smiled and he smiled back, shoving his hands into the pockets of his lab coat.

"Hi."

"So," she stated, still looking at him in that particular way that made him forget everything else around him, "You didn't show for lunch."

_Oh. That. _"Yes." Now he remembered. "I'm sorry about that. I was caught up with some things and, I just…" _Forgot. _"Couldn't make it."

"You forgot," she called his little white lie, still wearing that smile on her face…he had never figured out what made it so special but so far it had never failed to have an effect on him.

"I forgot," he admitted, smiling himself like he'd never been happier to be caught in a lie.

"I'm really sorry," he added and she nodded and waived him off.

"Couldn't have topped the lunch I had anyway."

"Really?" he asked, giving her a challenging look.

"Really."

"Then I think I want to know more about it."

"Then I think you'll have to be home tonight."

"That could be arranged," he replied but then something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. It was Miranda Bailey, apparently just coming out of Addison's room. And she obviously had spotted him as well.

"Miranda," he greeted, causing Meredith to turn around as well.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey," Miranda replied in a tone that was just a little below icy.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith joined in and Derek could tell she had noticed the sudden tension as well. _At least it wasn't my imagination then_, he thought.

"Dr. Bailey, could I have a word with you?" he asked, calling her by her last name as well this time and wishing he had done so all along.

"I've got patients, Dr. Shepherd."

"It'll only take a minute," he assured and turned to Meredith. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Sure," Meredith nodded, one last time looking from Derek to Miranda and back before excusing herself and marching off.

Derek turned to Miranda.

"Is there a problem, Dr. Bailey?"

"Problem? Me? I don't have problems," she stated brusquely.

"Oh but I think you do judging by the way you were just staring at me and Meredith."

"What you and Dr. Grey do is none of my business and certainly not my problem, Dr. Shepherd," she remarked condescendingly. "And I wasn't staring at her."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"For a brain surgeon you're remarkably slow," she commented and was already turning on her heels before he could think of a response. "Minute's up," she mumbled, leaving him to stare after her.

He felt like stamping his foot. Somehow he just couldn't seem to get Miranda Bailey to show him the respect residents usually showed their attendings. She was neither afraid of nor intimidated by him and she didn't seem too fond of him either. Then again, every time he thought she really didn't like him, she would say or do something that was…well, nice…nice enough to make him think she cared after all. And if he was honest with himself he had a pretty good idea why he wasn't on her good side right now. But he didn't feel like being that honest with himself right now.

Shaking his head he took the few remaining steps to Addison's room. The door was open and he could see her lying in bed, her face turned away from him. Despite the TV being turned on, she seemed to be staring out through the window.

"The bad news is your clothes are history," he announced his presence.

Turning her head a little bit, Addison's eyes locked on his and she wearily returned the smile he gave her.

"The good news is I saved your shoes," he continued and it felt good to see her smile widening in response.

"You always knew what's important to a girl."

"My specialty."

Feeling his smile slowly fade he moved further into the room, closer towards her as he shook the scenario he'd rather not imagine. _What if…_

"So, I hear you're going to make a full recovery," he stated cheerfully as he sat down on her bedside but Addison just rolled her eyes. "How does it feel being on the other side then?" he grinned.

"Horrible," she muttered. "It's actually all true. The doctors talk down on you, the nurses don't take you serious and the next person telling me to get some rest I'm gonna shoot."

"That bad, huh?"

"Doctors are jerks," she pouted. "I don't know if I can ever face a patient again."

"Oh, come on, half of your patients are too small to complain or be bothered by you," he offered in consolation.

"Still leaving the other half."

"Which is either too busy pushing or too happy staring at their offspring." He smiled at the memories of all the times he had witnessed Addison delivering a healthy baby to a happy mother. There really wasn't anything greater in life and although he would never admit it to anyone, he sometimes caught himself thinking that there couldn't be a job in the world that was better than hers. But only sometimes.

"True," she sighed and it took him a moment to rewind their conversation in his head and realize what she was referring to.

He smiled at her and his gaze fell on the left side of her face. The skin at her temple and around it was almost black now but the swelling was already going down. He reached out and she let him turn her head a little more to the side to allow him a closer look at her injuries.

"How's the headache?"

"Manageable now that the nausea's gone."

"PONV?" he asked while checking her pupils with his flashlight.

"Uhu," she mumbled.

He put the flashlight back into the pocket of his lab coat. "I'm sorry about that," he started but she waived him off.

"I'm sure you had other things on your mind than reminding the anesthesiologist what drug to use."

He avoided her eyes. How could he ever explain to her that he hadn't even been there when she had undergone an emergency surgery? How explain why he had been hiding out in the basement?

He covered her hand with his own.

"I called your parents."

She took the news exactly the way he'd known she would.

"Oh, Derek," she rolled her eyes, anger flashing her expression, "No." At least it seemed to bring some color to her otherwise pale cheeks. "You didn't."

"Yes, I did," he explained calmly.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because they are your parents and they love you and they'd never forgive you or me for not telling them when their only daughter ends up in the hospital."

"Their only daughter is in the hospital nearly every day of the week," she countered. "They are used to it."

"But usually said daughter is an amazingly competent and extraordinarily kind doctor." He leaned closer and lowered his voice. "Right now she's an amazingly difficult patient and an extreme pain in the ass."

She dropped her jaw in fake indignation and he couldn't but laugh.

"Come on," he chuckled and she tried to pull a face despite the pain it obviously caused her.

"Fine. When are they going to be here?"

"Tonight."

For as long as he had known Addison she had always been torn when it came to her parents. She loved them, no doubt, but she couldn't be around them without being their little princess again and she hated that. She always had and so she had taken off and made it on her own and ever since been careful to keep her distance. He also knew, however, while a part of her really wasn't happy about her parents coming to Seattle all of that would be forgotten as soon as her mum and dad would be within sight. Despite all her resistance Addison was very close to them and as much as she needed and valued her independence a part of her enjoyed becoming little Addie again, daddy's little girl and mummy's princess. She would never admit that, of course, but he knew her well enough.

"Addie," he began, his voice still low but serious now. "Why don't your parents know about the divorce?" She cast her eyes down, studying the IV line on the back of her hand. "They didn't even seem to know we're separated."

"You told them?" she asked and he could hear her wince inwardly although she tried her best not to let it show. He could sense her embarrassment, sense she was hurt. And in the back of his mind he wondered why he was so receptive all of a sudden when he had been so neglecting back in New York.

Finally she looked up at him and he remembered her question.

"No. I didn't tell them." He saw her relief. "I thought that was up to you."

She nodded and as if she was only becoming aware of it again now, she moved her hand under his and he withdrew it.

"Why haven't you told them?"

"I did," she exclaimed in her defense. "Some of it."

"What exactly?" he asked.

"They know about Seattle," she shrugged, playing with the IV again.

"Do they know about –"

"They know about Mark, they know you left and that I followed you."

This time it was him sighing in relief. He hadn't really though Addison could have kept her own indiscretion a secret and made him the bad guy but it felt good to hear her confirm it. She had never been one to run from responsibility or earning up to her mistakes.

"They know we tried to work it out and I told them things weren't going too well. Or at least I tried," she rolled her eyes, finally meeting his again. "You know my parents."

He did. And he had a pretty good idea what those talks had probably looked like.

"They were always good at not hearing what they simply didn't want to hear," he admitted and she nodded. "But you still should have told them. There are ways to make them listen and you know them."

"I know," Addison growled. "It was just…so exhausting talking to them and I was so…" She seemed to be looking for the right word.

"Exhausted?" he offered.

"Yes," she shrugged. "It was exhausting, Derek. I don't want to turn this into another argument and I don't want this to sound accusing or like I'm attacking you but it was exhausting to try to ignore the looks you were exchanging with Meredith Grey and to ignore the entire hospital talking about it. It was exhausting to pretend I wasn't the only one really fighting for this marriage and it was exhausting to pretend there was anything left or worth fighting for. So after all of that, I was too exhausted to deal with my parents."

She paused and he realized how much her words hurt. _The truth hurts, huh?_

"But you're right," she continued, "Derek, you're right. I should have told them the moment I realized it was over."

He sighed and thanked her secretly for not saying what he had been afraid she might have been about to say. _The moment I found out you'd slept with Meredith at the prom. _

"Well, like you said, I know how your parents are," he tried to move away from all the landmines between them. The last thing he wanted was another fight.

His pager went off and he gladly retrieved it from his pocket. "Consult in the ER," he muttered. "I need to go."

Leaning forward he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm glad you're okay."

She didn't say anything but was obviously holding back so he figured she probably didn't want to lose her composure in front of him. He got up and walked towards the door when her voice unexpectedly held him back.

"Derek."

He turned around one more time.

"Yes?"

"It wasn't just because it was too exhausting," she stated and at his frown added, "My parents. I didn't just not mention the divorce because they weren't listening or because I was too tired to make them." She seemed to take a deep breath while he was holding his. "I didn't tell them for the same reason I didn't take of our wedding bands even after the divorce was final."

Trying to grasp what she was saying his eyes automatically wandered to the fingers of her left hand.

"I did take them off eventually," she shrugged. "But telling my parents...I just wasn't there yet and then it was so much easier to ignore it."

She stared at him and he knew she was waiting for a reaction.

"It's not what you think," she continued when he remained silent. "It doesn't mean…it's just that…it's…" She shrugged. "Eleven years, Derek. I can't just…" She shook her head, obviously frustrated at her inability to complete a sentence. "I mean, how am I-"

"I know," he finally cut in. _Eleven years. _"It takes a while."

"Yeah," she agreed in a strange voice. "I guess."

A few moments they lingered in the silence that ensued, Addison staring at her IV line again, Derek with his hands in the pockets of his lab coat, his eyes fixed on her ring finger. Until his pager went off again.

"Did you tell them about Meredith?" he asked while reaching for it, not sure where the thought had come from.

For a second she seemed to hesitate. "No." He met her eyes again. "It didn't come up."

He observed her expression for a moment, then nodded. _Okay. _

"Why?" she wondered.

"Just curious," he shrugged. "I'll be by later."

Sending a last little smile her way he turned and left, heading for the ER.


	10. Scene 9

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Surgical Floor,**

**Afternoon**

**-**

Just on her way to check the board, Cristina stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Izzie studying the scheduled surgeries for the day. Realizing she couldn't hide or avoid her forever, Cristina resumed walking until she came to stand next to the blonde doctor. _Doctor on probation_, her mind commented. _Whatever. _

Pretending to study the board as well she avoided any eye contact but felt Izzie's gaze settling on her of course. The silence was unnatural, not to say awkward, and while Izzie held her arms crossed and her head up high and still seemed rather relaxed, Cristina felt stiff and tense with her hands sweaty and her jaws clenched. Burke was right. She hadn't gotten any better at this.

They both knew she had to apologize and they both knew it was the one thing Cristina Yang couldn't do. Not without serious physical discomfort as a consequence of the effort she had to make to get herself to find and actually say the words…

She couldn't even think them to herself.

Still feeling Izzie's piercing eyes on her she decided to make it little by little and started with folding her arms across her chest as well. That done she lowered her head, no hung her head, and then cautiously started to turn sideways.

Seeing not only her own feet now but Izzie's as well, she slowly slowly let her gaze wonder upwards, lifting her head in the process.

Blue scrub pants. Of course Izzie was wearing blue scrub pants. She was still a surgeon, alright. Probation or not. She was still one of them. _Although, technically, she's not anymore. _She wasn't allowed to perform or assist with any surgeries. _Shouldn't it be visible she's sort of ranking lower than us? _Shouldn't there be some way to recognize which interns were better or worse anyway? Which intern was the best? She stopped her imagination running off there. _Whatever. _

Blue scrub shirt. Of course. Surgeon blue. Oh how long she had been longing to wear the surgeon blue scrubs. _So did Izzie_, it suddenly hit her. _Well, probably. _Surprised and a bit shocked at her anticipation about another person's feelings and inner reasoning Cristina almost flinched and suddenly found her eyes locked with Izzie's. Without a last moment of hesitation or preparation. There, that was it. No going back now.

Izzie's eyes didn't try to hide anything. Not the anger, not the resentment, not the amusement and gloating at the situation. Maybe the hurt, because that much Cristina had understood right away and without bigger acts of anticipation: that her words had hurt. _At least my boyfriend is still alive. _Izzie was maybe doing better but she was still far from fine and still grieving and mourning. Ever since Burke had been shot Cristina could relate to loss. She had only caught a glimpse of it, of course, after al she hand't lost Burke. _Yet._ He wasn't dead. He'd be okay. _Whatever. _

She had to apologize now and she didn't know how and Izzie knew it. Standing there, waiting, she seemed to take her revenge. _And enjoy it_, Cristina's mind snapped but she tried to ignore it. It was probably not the way to go in her search for an honest apology that had to be somewhere within her. If she could just find it…

She felt beads of sweat on her forehead and unfolded her arms again before her hands could leave dark stains on her sleeves. Taking a deep breath she opened her mouth. It felt dry. Just like her throat. Oh what would she have given for a sip of water right about now. Or Tequila. Tequila seemed pretty good right about now.

_Look, Izzie_, she managed to stutter in her mind but no sounds left her mouth. Which was probably good because she didn't get much further anyway. The words just wouldn't come to her, no matter how much she tensed and moved her jaws.

She realized her eyes had starting roaming the hallway while her mouth was still moving without her saying anything and her body probably transpiring noticeably. At least it felt that way. What a pathetic sight she had to be. And she was just about to either collapse, faint or run when Izzie suddenly turned back to the board, her arms still elegantly crossed and her head still high.

"Apology accepted," she stated simply and then added, "Dr. Shepherd has a craniotomy in half an hour. I think I'm going to get some snacks and secure myself a good seat on the gallery."

Cristina didn't trust her ears at first but then she felt relief seeping through her. She also felt shame and humiliation but the relief definitely won out. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. And finally something in her unlocked and unclenched and gave way. And she knew what to say.

"Thanks," she mumbled quietly and it actually felt good. But opening her eyes again she realized Izzie had already walked away. Instead a young nurse was looking at her questioningly.

"What are you looking at?" she snapped and turned on her heels.


	11. Scene 10

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Interns' Locker Room,**

**Late Evening**

**-**

"Did you talk to Izzie?" Meredith inquired while putting her shoes on.

"Yes," Cristina replied while rummaging through her locker that was the usual mess.

"Did you apologize to Izzie?" Meredith pushed further at the brief answer.

Cristina slammed her locker shut. "We…cleared the air. Everything's good. How are you and McDreamy?"

"We're good," Meredith emphasized. "Seriously, I wish you guys would stop asking me that."

"I wished you guys would stop asking me how I was after Danny died."

Cristina still standing by her locker and Meredith sitting on the bench in front of her, they both turned their heads. Neither of them had heard Izzie come in.

"I guess not all wishes come true," she shrugged. Meredith and Cristina exchanged a glance but Izzie didn't sound mad or bitter. "I'm just saying."

Meredith turned around on the bench. "We were worried," she said apologetically.

"So are we," Izzie replied. "Hence the asking how you and McDreamy are doing."

"Actually I was just curious," Cristina cut in but was ignored.

"Point taken," Meredith stated towards Izzie. "And thank you. But there's no reason to be worried. Derek and I are fine. And I don't mean please just stop asking me fine or can't you see I'm everything but fine fine. I mean fine. As in good. As in great. As in happy."

"We get it," Cristina cut her off, "Can we go now?"

"No," Meredith darted her a glare, "we are going to wait for Izzie."

"Really?"

"Really."

Izzie started laughing at the expression on Cristina's face and for a second time today the otherwise cool and detached surgical intern felt a physically discomforting need to apologize.

"It's just that Burke and I, we-"

"It's fine," Izzie saved her for the second time today. "You guys go ahead. I still got some things I want to take care of anyway."

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked but Izzie waved her off.

"Yes. Now go! Your McSurgeons are waiting."

Two minutes later both Meredith and Cristina were striding down the stairs and crossing the hall, determinedly heading for the main exit. Meredith, however, hesitated when she saw Derek who seemed to be the tired but glad bearer of good news for friends and family of the patient he had just finished operating on.

"You coming?" Cristina asked when Meredith stopped but then followed her gaze and understood.

"You go ahead. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I guess you guys really are fine," Cristina mumbled, seeing the expression on Meredith's face. "You got that McDreamy glow going."

"Don't you have a thing with Burke you got to be at right now?"

"Right," Cristina nodded. "Bye."

Barely noticing her friend turn around and leave Meredith waited for Derek to make eye contact with her. He did a moment later and when he was done talking to his patient's family came walking towards her.

"Hi," he smiled, looking tired but still wired.

"Hi," she smiled back. "I take it the surgery went really well."

"It did," he nodded with a little frown. "I thought I saw you on the gallery earlier."

"You did but I couldn't stay," she explained. "I'm assigned to Dr. Torres for the moment and you wouldn't believe how many bones we set and twisted and broke today."

"Yeah, Dr. Torres is a busy girl," he commented and Meredith only hesitated for the fraction of a second before continuing. "She's also going to take care of Addison."

"So I heard," Derek replied and Meredith didn't find anything in his voice or face that had her concerned.

"Which means I'm going to take care of Addison."

"So I gathered," Derek chuckled and she felt all her worries dissolve.

"We will probably perform surgery the day after tomorrow."

"We?" Derek raised his eyebrows in fake surprise.

"Yes, we. Dr. Torres seems to think I have a talent for broken and dislocated body parts."

"That's not exactly what I've been waiting to hear about my girlfriend."

"Well, what else could it be?" she grinned.

"Maybe she wants to become your mentor."

"Maybe," Meredith tried to stop smiling but failed. Somewhere in her head a nagging little voice reared its ugly head again. _That or she thinks it'll make me really uncomfortable being around Addison all the time. _The thought had crossed her mind before but she had dismissed it for good reasons. Whatever her personal opinion of Meredith, Callie was a professional though and through. She wouldn't and didn't bully her and she would certainly not let her in on the surgery if she thought Meredith's performance would suffer because the patient was her boyfriend's ex-wife.

Looking at Derek and seeing him smile at her in that way that always seemed to get to her, she once again forgot everything else.

"What is it?" Derek asked when she just kept looking at him.

"Nothing," she said but he furrowed a brow. "I was just…" Quickly making sure nobody was watching or overhearing she leaned closer and whispered, "I just really want to kiss you right now." But she was afraid once she started she wouldn't be able to stop and maybe this wasn't the right place for them to make out.

He grinned. "Hormones."

She frowned. "Hormones?"

"Not yours. Mine," he explained. "After a surgery like this… It's a brain surgeon thing."

"Uhu."

"Just makes me irresistible."

She chuckled. "I see. Well, maybe you can explain this particular brain surgeon thing to me when you get home."

"Gladly."

They kept smiling in anticipation for a little longer.

"Well, don't keep me waiting too long, Mr. Irresistible."

"I won't. In fact, I was just about to get changed and head out."

"Really?"

"Really."

She hadn't thought her smile could widen anymore but apparently she had been wrong. After a day like this, what could be better than going home together.

"Are you sure? You don't have any more patients to see, no more paper work? You don't want to check in on Addison one more time?" _Because that would be okay_, she almost added but stopped herself in time.

"No more patients, no more paperwork and Addison already has visitors. I'll see her in the morning."

"Good."

"Good."

God, couldn't he stop looking at her that way? It made her week in the knees and… _God, I hope he never stops looking at me that way. _

"You'll wait?" he interrupted her inner musings.

"I'll wait."

"Okay."

"Okay."

She watched him as he made his way over to the elevators and kept watching until the doors closed behind him and the cart left the ground floor. She knew fully well that it was almost disgusting how happy and in love they got around each other but it didn't stop them.

Still smiling she went to sit in the waiting area. She was sure now. Not that she had doubted it, but the past few minutes had proved and confirmed it: they really were fine. Things really were good. As good as they could get.


	12. Scene 11

**Seattle Grace Hospital**

**Surgical Floor,**

**Late Evening**

**-**

"Heard you really kicked ass today," Mark stated, causing Derek to look up from his cell.

"Yeah," his one time best friend replied, almost seeming too shy or modest for a more self-confident answer for a moment. But only for a moment. "I guess I did."

Mark grinned. No matter what had happened between them, he could still read him like a book when it came to things like these.

"Congrats."

"Thanks."

With neither of them saying anything more, Derek resumed fiddling with his cell phone. He was in his street clothes, freshly showered, just waiting for the elevator to take him down to the ground floor.

"Going out to celebrate?" Mark asked, suddenly realizing how much he missed hitting bars after work and just hanging out.

"Going home with Meredith."

_Of course._

"I see."

It had been hard not to notice Meredith, sitting in the lobby, looking all stunning and beautiful and happy. And now he knew why. Well, not like he hadn't known before. But now it was painfully obvious.

Derek snapped his cell shut and put it away, then hit the button for the elevator again. "How's the leg?" he asked when the silence became too awkward.

"It's fine," Mark shrugged.

"Good."

"Yeah."

Again silence.

"Damned elevator," Derek muttered, hitting the button one more time.

"Yeah," Mark mumbled, knowing what was next to come.

"I think I'm just going to take the stairs."

_Sure. _

"I'll see you."

"Sure," Mark smirked when the elevator doors opened that exact same moment.

He refused to think about why he did it, but he got to the balcony just in time to see Derek and Meredith made their exit through the lobby and the main entrance and out onto the parking lot. _Off they ride into the sunset_, he commented to himself and turned around, reminding himself why he was here. Surely not to watch Derek and his little girlfriend enjoying their perfect little happy ending while the rest of them were left to clean up the mess.

Once more waiting for the elevator Mark tried to get over his irritation. He didn't know where it was coming from anyway.

The elevator finally arrived and took him upstairs to the surgical floor where he walked or rather limped towards Addison's room until the sound of familiar voices seeping out into the hallway made him slow down. Approaching her door, he stopped to take a peek inside.

Jim and Julie Montgomery still looked exactly the same since he had last seen them. He couldn't really remember the occasion but as Derek's best friend and best man at their wedding he had met Addison's parents several times.

"Your aunt Helen sends her regards. And she says she knew it was a mistake moving to Seattle."

"Mum, please."

"Alright, alright. But I really can't see what it is you need to talk to us about now of all times. Isn't the accident enough? Is there really anything else that matters right now?"

"Yes, mum, there is."

Mark could hear the annoyance in Addison's voice and if her mother really was ignorant to it, at least her father seemed to pick up on it.

"Your mum and I are just concerned, princess."

"I know, dad, but I really need you to listen to me."

"What is it, sweety?"

"I already told you, it's about Derek and me."

Mark stiffened. He hadn't planned on eavesdropping but now he was glad he hadn't just walked in. He moved a little closer but made sure he stayed out of sight.

"Derek?" he heard Addison's mother echo skeptically.

"Where is Derek anyway?" Jim Montgomery inquired.

"He can't possibly still be in surgery. Sweety, you have to tell him he works too much."

Mark closed his eyes, tempted to peek around the door frame to see the expression on Addison's face. _Why bother? I have a pretty good idea anyway. _

"Mum, dad, please just let me finish?" he heard Addison's weary voice and it had to take all of her strength to stay calm. It made him wonder whether she had never told her parents that Derek and her working too much had been the root of all of their trouble or whether her parents were just plain insensitive. Given that she obviously hadn't even told them about the divorce Mark's money was on the former rather than the latter although there was something weird about the way Jim and Julie were acting as well.

"I was just thinking that if whatever it is you want to talk to us about really concerns you and Derek, then maybe we should wait until Derek is here as well," her mother said in a somewhat defensive manner and was supported by her husband right away.

"Yes, wouldn't that be easier?"

"No, dad, it wouldn't."

"But, princess –"

"No, mum, Derek is not coming."

For a moment it was silent and again Mark felt tempted to peek inside the room just to see the expressions on all present Montgomery family members' faces. He imagined Jim and Julie exchanging meaningful glances and Addison rolling her eyes at it. _I hate when they do that_, he remembered her saying once. _It's like they can communicate without anyone else getting it. _He also remembered himself telling her that she and Derek had come to doing the exact same thing. She had denied it at first but finally admitted that he was right. _I hate when we do that._

He smiled at the memory but then turned his attention back to the scene he was secretly witnessing.

"Derek and I separated."

"We know you did, princess," her mother seemed to shrug in relief. "That's why you moved across the continent and live in a trailer."

"My daughter in a trailer park," Jim Montgomery interjected, sounding like he just couldn't wrap around that fact.

"It's not a trailer park, it's a trailer. Derek bought the land and –" Addison started explaining but then cut herself off. "And that's not the point."

"Sweety, have you and Derek finally come to your senses and moved into a real house again?" her mother asked, hope obvious in her voice.

"You have?" her father joined in. "That's wonderful, princess."

"So, what's it like, and where is it? And when can we see it?"

"I hope you didn't forget to-"

"Stop it," Addison exclaimed, probably raising her voice as much as she could, "Both of you. Just stop it and listen to me for one second?"

_They better_, Mark thought agitated. He liked Jim and Julie but he was tempted to go in there and tell them to go to hell. How could they upset her like that when she was clearly still weak and hurt.

"Derek and I separated," Addison repeated. "Again."

Given the complete silence Mark assumed her parents were indeed listening to her this time.

"I moved out of the trailer a while ago and we filed for divorce."

If he had ever witnessed someone dropping a bomb like that, he couldn't remember the effect being as devastating. The sudden and utter silence was unnerving.

"Divorce?" her father finally was the first to speak again.

"Yes."

"Are you…are you sure about this?"

"Yes, dad," Addison answered quietly.

"But…maybe…"

"Dad," Addison seemed to shake her head, "it went final a couple of weeks ago."

"So, it's done," Addison's mother declared, sounding like she was announcing someone's death.

"Yes," Addison replied with a sad but determined voice. "It's done."

Leaning back against the wall, Mark closed his eyes. _Seems I was wrong. _Maybe Addison had been serious about moving on after all. Derek obviously was. Now where did that leave him?

* * *

_You're a silly love song _

_A verse, chorus and such_

_Some silly love song_

_A verse, chorus and such_

_I'm a car crash but I have to get on up_

_And every morning is a clean up_

Being surgeons, we need to ignore what's distracting us to be able to perform at our best. We need to shut out what we're afraid of, dismiss what has us worried, shrug off whatever might bother us. Because if we don't, someone will get hurt.

So we train ourselves to ignore things. Until we forget how to deal altogether. Which is why it's so hard for us to stop ignoring and start paying attention. And why when things eventually catch up with us, we are completely taken by surprise and utterly unprepared.

So maybe for some of us it's not pride that comes before the fall but ignorance. And since we never saw it coming, the fall is so much deeper and the landing so much harder.

_And all I need is time_

_time to love you_

_All I need is time_

All I need is time

All I need is time 

_time to love you_


	13. Upcoming

Next on Grey's Anatomy:

She could hear thunder rolling somewhere nearby, and soon enough lightning tore the Seattle night sky apart. It was raining—of course. Meredith had always liked the rain. Not only hadn't minded it, liked it. Nights like tonight, she usually loved it.

As usually Derek had fallen asleep first, not before kissing her goodnight and putting his arms around her, but nevertheless long before her. Another thing she had never minded. In fact, she always rather liked it since it allowed her to cautiously entangle from his arms and just lie awake for a while and watch him, ensuring that he was real, that they were real. Because sometimes, to her own frustration, it still felt like something was off, had to be off, for the universe to let them be together. But then she would lie and watch, breathe in the air that still held their scent, and it all went away, all her worries, all her doubts. Nothing was off anymore.

Then she would move closer to Derek again, position her head on his shoulder and her arm across his stomach. And she would sigh happily and fall asleep.

But now she was lying stiff in her otherwise most comfortable and favorite position, eyes wide open and staring into the dark, a voice in her head taunting her: _this couldn't have been real after all, you knew that, right?_

Another lightning tore through her bedroom and she, again, entangled herself from him, rolled around and turned away, moving as close to the edge of her side of the bed as she could. And staring out the window, watching the raindrops quivering down the pane, Meredith Grey not only knew what was off—she also knew she didn't like the rain anymore.

* * *

Taken from the upcoming episode: **_Brace Yourself For The Impact's Gonna Hurt_**


End file.
